Hey friends. It's been awhile. But I'm finally settling back into a schedule at school, and I put together a quick, definitely incomplete, list of questions people often ask about my sexuality. Feel free to do more research based on this post!
It’s been about a year and a half since I first started identifying as asexual. In that time, I’ve come out to a lot of my family and friends (not all of them, though!), and I’ve noticed some patterns in people’s reactions. So in order to hopefully help people better understand asexuality, I’ve compiled a list of answers to these asexuality FAQ’s:
Q: What does that even mean?
A: Well, friends, when you don’t feel any sexual attraction to anyone of any gender, that’s called asexuality. It comes in a lot of different forms, but that’s a pretty good general definition.
Q: So will you never have sex at all?
A: Maybe, maybe not. All asexual people have different preferences on this front. Some ace people really enjoy sex, while others are what we call sex-repulsed, which is a pretty self-explanatory term. A lot of us, though, are somewhere in the middle, or are figuring it out as we go along.
A: Maybe, maybe not. All asexual people have different preferences on this front. Some ace people really enjoy sex, while others are what we call sex-repulsed, which is a pretty self-explanatory term. A lot of us, though, are somewhere in the middle, or are figuring it out as we go along.
Q: Will you never be in a relationship?
A: Actually, my sexuality has very little to do with my relationship status. Being asexual doesn’t necessarily mean that a person does not experience romantic attraction. People who don’t experience this kind of attraction are called aromantic, and while a person can be asexual and aromantic, people can also be asexual and not aromantic, or any other arrangement or combination. Some ace people identify as heteroromantic, and some identify as homoromantic. Others are biromantic or panromantic or demiromantic. This is just another way that every ace person is different. Ace people are just as capable as anyone else of being in a romantic relationship. Non-ace people each have their own relationships to sex, sexuality, and romance, and ace people are the same!
Q: Can you have an orgasm?
A: Asexuality does not typically reference any physical inability to have or enjoy sex. So in a word: yes. In more words: yes, if an ace person wants to, they can typically experience an orgasm.
Q: How can you have a relationship without sex?
A: Ace people aren’t the only people who have complex relationships with sex. People are free to choose how much sex they want to have, and some people choose to have less. The presence, or lack thereof, of sex doesn’t determine the legitimacy of a relationship. Two (or more) people can have a deep romantic connection without sex. Want proof? Look at the relationships of people who choose to wait until marriage for sex.
Q: How can you be sure? Maybe you just haven’t found the right person yet. Maybe you’re projecting your trauma onto your sexuality.
A: This sort of delegitimizing rhetoric can be incredibly damaging to ace and non-ace people. People are allowed to determine their own relationship to sex and sexuality. If someone doesn’t currently experience sexual attraction, they can identify as asexual. Maybe somewhere down the line, their identification might change, but that doesn’t invalidate their current identification. Some ace people have experienced sexual trauma, and that can definitely factor into their relationship with sex, but it doesn’t delegitimize the way they choose to identify.
Q: Sex and attraction are what makes us human! How can you not have those things?
A: Just another confirmation that ace people are, in fact, transcendent beings.
A: Just another confirmation that ace people are, in fact, transcendent beings.
In conclusion, asexuality is complicated and every ace person is different. There’s plenty of literature on asexuality out there, so feel free to do your own research before you talk to an ace person about their experience. I guarantee they’ll appreciate it.
Until next time,
Ella xx
- 21:19
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