I should really be working on my two presentations that I have within the next two days, but I really wanted to stick to my schedule of posting every other Monday, so as a method of procrastinating I wrote this quick and largely unedited personal post.
Things have been very stressful lately, with finals coming up and my--and everyone else's--workload getting heavier. And I know this happens every semester around this point, with the extra work of presentations and final papers and exams, but somehow it feels new and fresh and harder this time around and I'm not quite sure why. Maybe it's the fact that I'm without my core group of friends for the first time since the beginning of college, maybe it's the fact that with every passing week it seems that I have less and less contact with people outside of a classroom setting. The stress has been making me moody, my skin currently is breaking out like never before, and I feel overwhelmingly exhausted and sad. Whatever the cause, the past couple of weeks have been hard, and it's gotten me thinking.
I've been fairly open about my struggles with mental illness in the past, but recently it feels like I haven't needed to be. I was recovering--for almost two semesters I felt not just okay, but largely good, for the first time in a long time. I went a long time without feeling that empty ache in my chest that comes along with this struggle. But because of that interlude, it feels like even more of a shock and a failure when these feelings return.
So how to deal with these bad days? The only way, I've found, is to take things one step at a time. The semester has an end date, these projects have an end date, but even before that, I will sleep tonight, at least for a little while. When I get home from sitting in Case Center and doing work, I'll have a snack. When this song ends, something cool and new might come on, or maybe I'll put something I already know on. When I finish this paragraph, I can move on to the next one.
I'm trying to remember that no matter how inescapable things feel, there is always a next step. There are always little things. My nails aren't done, but today I had strawberries with my lunch. The weather has been nice lately, even though I haven't been able to spend much time outside. Some days I see a dog, and some days I see two. My hair is getting longer. Less than a month from now, I'll be on a plane to Scotland to see my best friend, who I haven't seen in nearly six months. When I get home, I'll go back to a job I love, even if it's not what I want to do for the rest of my life. It's a step. Every moment is a step, whether it's a good step or a not-so-good step.
- 22:09
- 0 Comments
